3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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