I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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