Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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