I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
