Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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