what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
