I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
