i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
