One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
