Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
