this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
