He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
