dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
