I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
