Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just had sex on a roof
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
