i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
