we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?