Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy