i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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