You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.