and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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