I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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