i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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