Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
