It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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