I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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