Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
