i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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