I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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