You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
