well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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