I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
