Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
