i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
