You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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