She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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