Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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