I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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