I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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