Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
