btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
