I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
