my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
