I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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