chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
