another moral hangover. fuck.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
