My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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