I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
