hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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