He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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