I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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