you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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