I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
