dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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