some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is Oprah even human
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
