im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
