lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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