Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
