last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
