Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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