32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
