sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
