I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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