So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
