i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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