I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
