theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I understand Curling. That high.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
